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Bending the rules for lust...
Posted: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 5:55 PM

Dear crew confessor, I am a senior crew member (female) on a large yacht. We just hired a new deckie that I am very attracted to. I have always had a strict hands off policy with my crew.  Which brings me to my dilemma, should I have this poor kid fired?  He is driving me to distraction! I know it would be much easier for him to find another boat than for me. Please help!

Best regards,

Not A Cougar.

Posted: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 5:56 PM

grow up, !!!!

you want to lower yourself to that!? this is plain silly, and i think you just looking for some reactions here on the forum.

Posted: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 7:39 PM
Don't hate him cause he's beautiful....
Crew Confessor
Posted: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 8:28 PM
Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 94

Dear Not a Cougar, The Crew Confessor is going to need a little time on this one, and maybe a few cocktails. I'll get back to you on this. In the meantime keep yourself inside the boat (no ogling during washdowns), and limit your contact with the debonair deckie. Your Crew Confessor
Posted: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 9:08 PM

A lot of times a young crew member will seek out a more seasoned crew member as an advisor and sort of mother figure.  Most young newbie crew members are away from home for the first time and are homesick at times.  Do your best to put your personal feelings aside and be the mentor this person needs.

Been There.

Posted: Wednesday, January 14, 2009 1:40 AM
Hands off policy? Bollocks! Never stopped any of Captains I know, isn't that one of the perks of being a "senior officer?" Have a go at him but don't be surprised if he drops you for the new sexy stew sooner rather than later...
Posted: Wednesday, January 14, 2009 9:08 AM
You shouldn't consider getting someone fired because you are attracted to him/her! That's crazy talk.
Posted: Wednesday, January 14, 2009 9:12 AM
Just out of curiosity, what exactly does "senior member" mean?
Posted: Wednesday, January 14, 2009 5:06 PM
OMG, Dude, put your shirt back on and Stop flirting with the captains wife!!!
Posted: Wednesday, January 14, 2009 9:12 PM
You are a senior crew member, so behave like one and deal with it like a senior crew member., Pull yourself together and get on with your job !!!
Posted: Wednesday, January 14, 2009 9:20 PM
you have to be joking..... this industry definitely does bad things to people who stay in it too long, but that sounds just a little too twisted. I repeat. you have to be joking
Posted: Wednesday, January 14, 2009 11:52 PM
He is only temporary don't stress it.  Live life and Taste Death. The last time i checked you only live once.

Posted: Thursday, January 15, 2009 2:38 AM
There is that old saying, "incest is best, put your crewmates to the test" nudge nudge, wink wink!
Captain Laura
Posted: Thursday, January 15, 2009 7:00 AM
Joined: 21/11/2008
Posts: 5

DO NOT DO IT-get rid of him if you cannot concentrate.  I fell into the trap a year ago and it ended in disaster-nearly lost my job-and I was the captain.  I got involved with a deckhand and the crew were very upset.  Take your urges to town or get rid of him.  Talk to the captain and let him know where you are. 

Posted: Thursday, January 15, 2009 8:08 AM
thats sweet if i were you and of course im male and a newbie deck chick rolled up with the goods ill be all over it, id be more worried about firing the brad pitt look alike just to secure the deal hahaa but once again im a male, i remember last time i was attacked by a cougar best time of my life turned that cougar into a kitten meeowwww
Posted: Thursday, January 15, 2009 1:26 PM

So, in conclusion- the young kid's say go for it, The "mature males" think this is a joke, and/or I need psychiatric treatment, Capt. Laura is the only voice of reason so far...acknowleging that this could truly be a problem. I suppose that none of you male captains have ever gotten rid of a crewmember for not putting out? I have a list of captains that I will NEVER work for again, because I spent more time avoiding their unwanted advances than actually doing my job.

Not A Cougar

Crew Confessor
Posted: Thursday, January 15, 2009 6:43 PM
Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 94

Dear Not A Cougar,


What a conflict! Lets first put the deck shoe on the other foot and imagine that you are the newbie deckhand, you are young, eager and very excited to have finally gotten a job on a really nice yacht. This has been your dream for a long time and you saved your money and took all the courses and spent months at a crew house doing daywork and competing with many others more experienced than yourself. But you stuck with it because this was your dream. You are friendly and outgoing and a very hard worker, you are also drop dead gorgeous. Should you be fired because the captain or other "senior member" of the crew is attracted to you? How fair is this? You have done nothing wrong. IT IS a form of sexual discrimination, but a more subtle one than we're used to reading about. Chances are some excuse would be made about why you are being let go because of course, being fired for this reason is wrong, and is illegal (or should be). And you'll either leave with a vague sense of befuddlement about "why" or you'll figure it out and wonder how you can ugly yourself up, and wonder if you should just give up on your dream altogether.


How do think you would feel Not a Cougar?


If you are NOT a Cougar there shouldn't be a problem. Remember too, this guy is new, after a few weeks/ months of belching and flatulence in the crew mess the bloom might be off this rose. Remember familiarity breeds contempt. So grow up and keep your shorts zipped. Only socialize with the crew in large groups. The young fellow might sense your attraction and want to be with you, don't do it if you're afraid of where it might lead.


On board romances are sticky wickets. You sense that a relationship with the newbie would not be a good thing for you, so take evasive action as advised above. It's time for you to act your age and not be ruled by your hoohoo. There are recent studies that suggest the brains of twenty somethings are not fully developed. They suggest that the area of the brain responsible for reason is not fully formed; so don't get into a situation with him that will allow nature to rear it's lascivious head. In other words don't expect him to be the one to say no! Don't get him fired. Control yourself and grow up Mrs. Robinson.


Your Crew Confessor

Posted: Thursday, January 15, 2009 6:57 PM
Mmm, I don't get all these replies. Why is okay for male captains to take up with the stews and chefs but not for female captains to take up with deckhands? I've seen male captains date crew on pretty much every boat I've worked on - it's annoying kind of sometimes, but not unexpected. OKay, there's a rule on this crew's boat, but if there wasn't, what exactly is the difference?
Posted: Thursday, January 15, 2009 10:32 PM
The difference, you clever thing, is that this is a Male dominated industry.  There are few women in positions of  power, and even fewer in charge.  The common female you encounter in this business is a 20 ish airhead, who cleans toilets and makes animals out of washcloths.  It is a very tough industry to work your way up in as a woman.  As for the "Poor Deckie" whom has endured 2 months in a crew house (probably partying and getting laid) and a Whole Week of training to get a position whose starting salary is what some women make as captains on smaller/sailing yachts, my heart bleeds for this poor guy and the hardship he has undergone.  I think Crew Confessor is TOTALLY off base here.
Crew Confessor
Posted: Thursday, January 15, 2009 11:07 PM
Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 94

As women progress in this industry to positions of greater power and responsibility it would be an unfortunate mistake if they were to adopt the same sort of discriminatory practices that had been used against them in the past. Just as it would have been, and is, wrong for a male captain to fire a female crew member either because she won't have sex with him, or because she presents too much of a temptation, so also it is wrong for a woman in a position of power to do the same.


Equality and fairness isn't a one way street. Once you become the traffic cop you are not entitled to give the tickets to whomever you please just because now you are in charge.


Whatever you think about deckhands (overpaid, partying, getting laid), it is my experience that these jobs can be the hardest to get, especially starting out. Ask any crew agent what the applicant versus job ratio is for this position.


Just one more thing. Characterizing the "common female you encounter in this industry" as "a 20 ish airhead, who cleans toilets and makes animals out of washcloths" is demeaning. Guess what, those toilet cleaners (and yes the do clean plenty) are the ones who have the vast majority of direct contact with the people who pay the bills, the owners and charter guests. Many of them have advanced degrees and have left high paying jobs ashore to pursue their dreams of travel and adventure.


And this is all I'm going to say about that.


Your Crew Confessor

Posted: Thursday, January 15, 2009 11:10 PM

DO NOT have this Deckie Fired....It is extremely hard to find work in the industry for the deck crew at the moment. Competition is fierce and if this deckie is new to the industry, he has indeed overcome some odds to get there! Stews seem to find work fairly easily, or so has been my experience! On second him and hire me!

average looking deckie

Posted: Friday, January 16, 2009 12:25 PM
One should always live with principles... In this case  listen to yourself..."Do not get involved with those you work with... it only creates an uncomfortable situation if things dont work out", plus be PROFESSIONAL always... you said it.. you are the SENIOR .. you should have all the experience and witnessed all the nastiness than can occur during these things. Plus ,your thought of getting him fired shouldnt even enter your mind... You are the one with the challenge not him.....if you cant get over it.. maybe you should leave...but do you want to throw  your career away on some sort of physical infatuation?
Posted: Friday, January 16, 2009 9:48 PM
All I'm gonna add to what Crew Confessor just said is..."Hell yeah." You go Crew Confessor!!!  
Posted: Saturday, January 17, 2009 1:56 AM
Have someone fired because you have no self control is very unprofessional. If you can't keep your hands off you should either move on, or be an adult and find some other ways of dealing with the situation. If you need to jump his bones to get over it then do it. But using your power to ruin someones job, not exactly professional
Posted: Sunday, January 18, 2009 2:26 PM

Get it out of your system - screw him seneseless.  Forget all this rubbish about "not being professional".  This isn't a profession, it's just a job on a boat.  We look after rich men's toys to avoid the real world.  My advice, do what you need to do without hurting anyone else.  So don't fire him, it'll say with you longer than he will.



Posted: Tuesday, January 20, 2009 8:48 AM
get him fired because you can not control your libido......... well bitch, and I mean that in the true sense of the word, you are considering using "the privilige of position" to manipulate a situation for your own personal preference, so, we now see that you are both dishonest and unprofessional, what you are proposing is both immoral as well as disputedly illegal. You have demonstrted an inability to apply perspective judgement and you hold a senior position, may I ask, based on the little we know of your character.... who did you "ahem" to get the job. since your obviously not as a professional a credit to the vessel.....just GO
Posted: Wednesday, January 21, 2009 11:56 PM
As a "senior crew member" I dont really know where you stand in the food chain, but if you are the Capt. you make poor decisions which make me think that you cant make rational decisions that can lead to a safety issue at the end of the day, if you are the chief stew I am glad I'm not working on that boat!!
Posted: Wednesday, July 8, 2009 9:06 PM
Anonymous wrote:

On second him and hire me!

average looking deckie

Dear ¨Average Looking Deckie¨,

I am laughing my ass off at that one!

p.s. Do you think if I were better looking I would get a job sooner? My little brother suggested I get a set of fake boobs to help.... only problem is, I´m a guy! 

Posted: Tuesday, June 8, 2010 6:03 AM
This is classic!!! haha I can just see NOT A COUGAR sitting at her laptop reading all of this....with the buff deckie across the crew mess giving each other those bright eyes! But is the real thing, back to work so to speak, going to match up with the fantasy thats already in your head.....much to ponder Ms Panther! Positivity for all of you fellow yachties and everyone's problems! Yeeeow
Posted: Tuesday, June 8, 2010 7:49 AM
Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 1061

LOL, talk about dredging up old threads. I wonder what ever happened...

Posted: Thursday, June 10, 2010 3:47 AM
yeah i got kind of excited reading the thread i neglected to check out the dates...aha 1st time post....somethings bound to go wrong!
 Average 4.5 out of 5