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Guest Trouble
Crew Confessor
Posted: Tuesday, June 15, 2010 8:18 PM
Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 94

Posted: Thursday, July 15, 2010 3:58 PM
Joined: 14/01/2009
Posts: 1024

Ya, I need some advice. Got two WAG's and a 23 year old trust fund bimbo on board for two weeks. These people are as active as a blister pack of Oscar Myer Wieners on the BBQ and they're pigs...cant even see the floor in their cabin, cant clean up their droppings fast enough. They re running thru a ton on Fresh water a day, I cant make the stuff fast enough. Ive got plugged heads, partially drunk cans of coke rolling on the carpets, shower curtain tracks torn off the ceiling, broken door mirror.....HELP ! How do I ruin these peoples day and make sure they can never again terrorize another yacht crew ?? How do I coax them back to their dam trailer park and convince them to never step foot on a yacht again ????
Posted: Thursday, July 15, 2010 5:24 PM
Joined: 02/04/2010
Posts: 19

Well, that's an interesting issue that you got over there might just wake them up in the middle of the night and pretend the boat is sinking, chuck them into a life raft without anti-seasickness medication for a day, then go and pick them back up once the immaginary catastrophe has been fixed.  If you're not really up to take such chances, let's just hope and pray for Divine intervention to send some rough weather over so that they can die of dehydratation caused by their uncontrollable vomiting. That'd be sweet. Or else, get them drunk and spend the whole night tacking as hard as you can trying to have them bouncing off their berths...   Good luck, and keep us posted!

Posted: Thursday, July 15, 2010 11:18 PM
Joined: 25/06/2009
Posts: 277



Would the owner appreciate this type of "disrespect" for his property? (if he knew ;o))


Too bad the hot (or cold) water lines to certain cabins aren't "disfunctional" (to match the "disrespect"? ;o))


Are you running low on "stores" (and inconveniently a long way from "replenishment"? ;o))


Is your cabin staff a little "under the weather" (and delayed in their "rounds" ;o))





Posted: Friday, July 16, 2010 3:14 AM
Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 1061

Sounds worse than any floating Gin Palace I've ever been on. Maybe you should switch to motor yachts...

Posted: Friday, July 16, 2010 5:21 AM
Joined: 16/04/2009
Posts: 155

Hey All,

After all your years of experience you don't know what to do? RS has some good advice...but I'd get the boat to a dock with an airstrip, let the owner know the plan and make them walk the plank (I mean passarelle).

Good luck...

The Slacker

Posted: Friday, July 16, 2010 12:26 PM
Joined: 14/01/2009
Posts: 1024

Well Ron, I never speak with the owner about operational problems. The owner has over 20 thousand employees, so you can be assured that every phone call he receives is not from a "happy days are here again" type, but another employee with another problem. No need to be one more employee with a problem.. Always a tough call with what to do with foul guests on a private yacht. On charter they pay to be there so you put up with much more abuse . To ease the pain this morning I picked a few squashed sardines off the quay and slid them into Madame s Gucci's. I see Madame in the cockpit with a toothpick, cleaning the sardine scales out from under her fish foot toenails . For the afternoon Im thinking about refiling their factor 30 suntan cream squeeze bottles with olive oil than watching them slowly fry. I also see enough jellyfish floating around to catch , bucket then soak their swimsuits in jelly soup overnight....a ring of fire always concentrates the mind. . I guess its inevitable that next week , when I finally put them into the taxi, that I instruct the driver to take them to the wrong airport. The real stress is for the crew. Its 40 degrees outside , days are long and tempers short. Next weeks group joins on a same day turn around. One bad group creates several weeks of pain.
Posted: Friday, July 16, 2010 3:30 PM
Joined: 25/06/2009
Posts: 277

Well Junior,


Since the yacht is private only, then I assume these are "friends" of the owner (or his immediate family). With friends like this who needs enemies ("this too shall pass" no? - you have my sympathy ;o)).


I would think, if the owner's company is that size, then most of the "problems" would be handled by delegated personnel. I assume he has an executive assistant that might be able to provide some useful insight?


I would also think that it would be important for either the owner or the "sponsoring person" to know the "facts" (so the issue can be "discussed" with the offending parties and avoided in the future, no?).


However, if the "friends" are more important to key people than the condition of the yacht, then the issue is moot, no?






Posted: Friday, July 16, 2010 6:26 PM
Joined: 10/06/2009
Posts: 1


Very surprised to see you complaining about a few troublesome guests when you post things like the following on other threads chastising someone new in the industry for her problems:

Well anonymous....its obvious that this is your first season on the boats and as a result you have been caught with your knickers in a knot when confronted by the intensity of a yachting season. Professional yachting is not for the weak. This is the reality. If you cant handle the hustle and instead look to take refuge under some flaky contract then get out of the game. Anonymous....the high season comes just once every year and its your responsibility as a professional to squeeze 110 percent out of every minute that is available for the benefit of the yachts owner.

It is refreshing to see the Captain who is the self professed expert on everything posted in this website with his own "knickers in a knot".


Posted: Friday, July 16, 2010 7:30 PM
Joined: 16/07/2010
Posts: 6

Junior I have a question: How do have so much time to spend on these message boards when you are so "busy" on charter?
Posted: Friday, July 16, 2010 7:54 PM
Hit the nail on the head there Mescolottoa! Junior, pull your socks up and get on with it and stop your moaning. As a Captain lead by example and don't spend your spare moments a) bitching to the other crew about these guests, that sort of talk breeds amoungst any crew and can be bigger moral hit than the guests' behaviour. b) wasting your time coming up with cunning plans to piss the guests off. What's the point? c) Wasting your time typing up your "it's 40degrees outside, etc." bullshit. - start giving your 110 percent professional yachtie speech! Be more productive with your time by helping out the rest of the crew, giving the crew a chance to put their heads down if poss, making sure everyone is drinking enough water, and get the Air Con pumping it out to keep the crew cool..... and maybe giving superior service to your guests as a way of 'getting back at them'. Who knows your boss (who sounds very, very, important by the way....) might hear about it and give you a bonus. As a captain it is also your job to say when enough is enough to the guests and get them all together to set some ground rules. Maybe a good learning experience for you, as there are obviously some things you are missing out of your welcome aboard safety lecture, such as latching doors (particularly those with mirrors on them, making sure drinks won't topple over when put down......) Do they even understand the constraints of freshwater while on the yacht? Have you explained it to them? If you can't handle it you could always team up with Henning on the stink boats, bitch together, type your expert opinions in the forums all day long and leave the tough stuff to real sailing yachting professionals. I could go on but haven't the time or motivation to type lectures like your little head enjoys doing in order give your role of 'captain' a sense of meaning. BTW it's 41degrees here with 92%humidity. Oh, and my boss has 20,001 employees..... get a grip the yachting industry would go on whether you are in it or not.
Posted: Friday, July 16, 2010 7:59 PM
Sounds like your a novice at this stuff mate. Look after your crew, get over the guests and organise a whole mob of dayworkers for turnaround day. You are the captain right?
Posted: Friday, July 16, 2010 8:53 PM
Joined: 14/01/2009
Posts: 1024

Hey Joe... did you graduate from high school or reform school. ? YOU CANT READ ! Im not on charter, its a PRIVATE yacht on a 140 day , 10,000 mile cruise. I leave the brown nose, tip pandering jobs to Rent A Boat types like you with poor comprehension skills and who waste countless hours each day tying then retying a bowline only realize that you tied it on the wrong end. Joe, best if you remain anonymous and perhaps tattoo PORT and STARBOARD on the back of your hands to avoid confusion during a docking maneuver. And Anonymous guys....your anonymous because your insecure, cant express a thought without expletives and you have never done a worthwhile cruise. Dayworkers ? Ive been off the dock, off the shorepower , off public water, for two and half months...the last marine store I saw was 3000 miles ago. Dayworkers.... Make me I fly them, their supplies and a tent city in with my helicopter.
Captain Brian
Posted: Friday, July 16, 2010 9:45 PM
Joined: 11/09/2009
Posts: 12

Where on God's Blue Planet are you that there isn't a marine store for 3000 miles?  No dockage?  No water?  How on earth did the guests get to the boat?
Posted: Friday, July 16, 2010 10:46 PM
Joined: 13/11/2008
Posts: 19

Out of all the replies to take issue with, Junior decides to nit-pick about the semantics of Joe's post rather than the tough love advice from some of the other posters. He can dish it out but he can't take it guys! Maybe Junior should focus on actually managing his yacht instead of spending all his time on Dockwalk berating everyone else who is actually willing to listen to the experience and advice of their fellow sea-goers.
Posted: Friday, July 16, 2010 11:30 PM
Joined: 29/12/2009
Posts: 1

Junior, Dockwalk, the industry at large, The lack of decorum, sophmoric attitude, and bad grammar displayed herein is a disgrace to the industry. We are here to provide a service in a proffesional manner....Dockwalk, you should be ashamed that you even allow this nonsense to be on your site. No wonder I hear so many owners lamenting about the lack of quality Captains and Crew.
Capt Kaj
Posted: Saturday, July 17, 2010 1:27 PM
Joined: 05/08/2008
Posts: 83

Junior, I have always been amazed at the time you spend just about on every single article and item, that appears on Dockwalk. You and Henning are neck and neck in the Posts stake, in fact Henning has slipped past you at 560. To spend the amount of time you both do on here is incredible, added to the supposed work you guys do, I imagine your day is around 21 hours long.

Firstly from a Captains side, and I have quite some experience with guests such as you outline. I don´t care who the owner is, even if he has 20,000 or a mere 2 employees makes no difference to me, their bum still points downwards like yours and mine does and I imagine they use the same toilet paper as we do. I can´t understand why people make reference to the number of employees someone has as if that is a measure of a person. It is probable that he or she employs people to make the decisions anyway, ie the Captain of his wonderful yacht for example! Absolutely the owner should know what sort of people he has let use his yacht. In the meantime, I as Captain would schedule a meeting with the vandals and let them know that this sort of behaviour is unacceptable onboard. After all, it is not their yacht and they are obviously taking the piss big time and having a laugh.

If your owner is who you say he is and you obviously revere him and he appears untouchable in his glass palace, I am sure he wouldn´t approve of such yobbish behavior. There again, maybe your owner is like for like, you didn´t mention that in your item!

I have a motto, my way or the gangway, set the rules set the boundaries and if your owner doesn´t support you, then find another owner! By the sounds of things I could almost guarantee there are drugs onboard, perfect for a forced dis-embarkation and the removal of unwanted, ungreatful thugs. If you know they are using drugs, then there is always the tel call to your agent or contact ashore to organise a planned inspection of the yacht by the relevent authorities at which time they find the drugs and deal to the guests accordingly. Been done before....

Happy cruising!

Capt Kaj

Posted: Saturday, July 17, 2010 2:41 PM
Is the owner not paying you to look after his investment? Is the Captains word not law? Pull up your skirt tough guy and lay the law down or you may be finding yourself on the beach when the owner returns to see his boat all beat up and abused. And none of us would want that because that would give you even more time to spend on here with your know it all posts and rude juvenile behavior. Especially with no marine stores within 3000 miles to get repair supplies. Don't imagine he will be too happy with the repair bills either. Although with 20,000 employees I am sure he must have an accountant amongst them...I guess you might be looking in the broken mirror about now thinking what goes around comes around. You just got yours... I am sure between you and Henning you should have the seem to for everything else on these posts. I am cheering for the guests!!! Karma sucks huh???
Posted: Saturday, July 17, 2010 9:09 PM
Joined: 19/01/2009
Posts: 11

To all those negative poster's or should I say imposters . . . . time to stop beating up on Junior and give him some sound advise.  I bet ya' dimes to dollars that all those that are sending along their negativity have been in a similar position (perhaps before you became Captain . . . . a worker bee . . . . those of whom are on the front line with the guests).  Come on, be honest with yourself . . . . we've all been there with our "guests from hell". 

BTW:  Junior always takes the time to help others on these blogs with their problems/issues and has been pretty much on the nose a good deal of the time, so to all those that are telling him to "suck it up", here's hoping karma enters your life very soon and you're visited by some "guests from hell".

Posted: Sunday, July 18, 2010 1:37 AM
Joined: 09/09/2008
Posts: 78

I am actually surprised at the answers to this. Junior, you do not own this yacht, you were hired by the owner to run it, not to decide his guest list. Unless they are doing something illegal, or something your boss told you was not allowed, then it is your job to treat them as guests, and if you do not like it then go, and he can get someone else to take care of his guests. It would be interesting if someone pointed out your post to him and he sees that you put fish in your guests shoes. When you own the yacht, then you can make the guest list.
Capt Kaj
Posted: Sunday, July 18, 2010 1:05 PM
Joined: 05/08/2008
Posts: 83

Junior wrote:- Ive got plugged heads, partially drunk cans of coke rolling on the carpets, shower curtain tracks torn off the ceiling, broken door mirror.....HELP

I am sure that Junior is well aware of what his owner would consider as acceptable behaviour, Junior has highlighted the pathetic bevaviour of the owners so called guests, broken mirror, shower curtain torn off, yeh right, totally unacceptable behaviour, unless of course Juniors owner is Russian, then that could explain why the owner might just accept that sort of vandalism.

Let´s not forget, and some of you latterly have in this forum, that Junior like most all Captains are the owners voice, they, we, make the decisions for them. We are closer to the owner than the guests, we are their CEO of their yacht.

Picture a cocktail party in a large company where the guests have been invited by the owner. You are the CEO and organiser of the event on behalf of the owner. The guests start throwing glasses about, dropping cans of coke on the $1,000 per sqm executive carpet, smashed a wall mirror, blocked the toilets with wads of whatever. Now here´s the question:- WOULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN AND SAY NOTHING?? BOLLOCKS you would. Just because it is a yacht, it isn´t any different. If you think it is, then you have no idea of what you are writing and thank God you don´t work on my yacht. This is why the yachting industry gets away with way too much, people lose sight of reality and they look at things through the wrong type of glasses.

Don´t forget RICH PEOPLE must have rules as well, it is just that some people out there aren´t able to say no to them. Capt Eric, you are too subserbient old Son, youré probably one of those mamby pamby Captains that let this sort of thing go on. We need real men in this industry, it really does need a tidy up. Bring back flogging would certainly help.

Capt Kaj

Posted: Monday, July 19, 2010 3:58 PM
Joined: 14/01/2009
Posts: 1024

For me the last cruise caught me off guard. The reason Ive worked for this family for so many years is that the family and guests are very correct, gentle and predictable. They are fabulous people to work with, but every now and again a lemon gets mixed in and last cruise was sour. My crew is still living without a toilet because the guests cabins head was destroyed...not by sanitary napkins but by a silly fool who decided to cut her long hair then grab a big handful and flush in down the toilet. The only way out of the mess was to swap a crew toilet with the guests destroyed head.. Im fortunate in that the next cruise is with old reliables fuss.
Posted: Monday, July 26, 2010 7:39 PM
@ Junior: "To ease the pain this morning I picked a few squashed sardines off the quay and slid them into Madame s Gucci's. I see Madame in the cockpit with a toothpick, cleaning the sardine scales out from under her fish foot toenails . For the afternoon Im thinking about refiling their factor 30 suntan cream squeeze bottles with olive oil than watching them slowly fry. I also see enough jellyfish floating around to catch , bucket then soak their swimsuits in jelly soup overnight....a ring of fire always concentrates the mind. " You're kidding me right? You are representing the yachting industry, not some commercial tug and barge operation. In accordance with another's post, I think it's great that Dockwalk allows everything to be posted so true characteristics may be displayed. Owners deserve the right to know whom they're really employing.
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