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Celibacy on the High Seas
Posted: Monday, March 30, 2009 2:57 PM
I am a woman in my prime and made a conscious decision to enter this industry after getting a culinary school degree and a some time spent in top restaurants. After a few false starts on some yachts that were certainly not what they were portrayed as!, I thought I'd found the dream job. Sigh. One thing I didn't count on was the cold reality that I was consigning myself to celibacy! Truly. The 14+ hour days were hard, but expected but what ground me down, and I guess I never really thought about what the long term consequences of working on a yacht on a circumnavigation were. I was lonely and sex starved. The rest of the crew were couples and as kind and nice as they were it was very obvious that I would not likely find a romantic partner of my own except under the most unusual circumstances. How come no one warns us about the celibacy factor of working on boats?
Posted: Monday, March 30, 2009 2:58 PM

Your in the wrong world.  Crew sign on for a circumnavigation to see and experience the world. You have been given a truly unique opportunity but your only insight is that you work to hard and don't get laid. 

   Move ashore to a  land job and make room for a crew who seeks the knowledge and   fantasy that only a yacht crew on a circumnavigation can experience.

Posted: Monday, March 30, 2009 2:59 PM

Gee, you must be a newbie.  Traditionaly as soon as the yacht hits port you hoist the code flag " E " over " B " on the port spreader.  You may also stop by any IBNA gift shop and pick up this dedicated signal flag.  

    At night simply burn a red light in your port hole.   Any passing BN will recognize your distress and is required by oath  to climb onboard and do his duty

Posted: Tuesday, March 31, 2009 12:22 AM
Ladies have needs too! This is a part of the industry that needs to be told!
Posted: Tuesday, March 31, 2009 9:27 AM

You need a toy boy. But not one, but two. One that is older so he can rock your world and one that is younger so you can rock his. You should really rock your boat and add a female lover into the mix as well. (Imagine all the love and life lessons you would learn.) 

Of course, not just anyone will do. Look for someone(s) that are drama free, respectful of you and others and who know what sex is and isn't. (ie, dogma, porn vs. Master's & Johnson.)

Also, be careful to not confuse your desire for sex with our innate need to be touched and held platonically by others.  

Posted: Tuesday, March 31, 2009 4:47 PM
Might be time to hire a sous chef.
Posted: Tuesday, March 31, 2009 5:57 PM

My rule-of-thumb has always been, “How did it make me feel?” Not physically, but emotionally.


Who hasn’t been with someone that afterward it made you feel used and cheap? The “player” will always make you feel a little better than a piece of meat and care more about their conquest than about you. These people have turned sex into a game with a huge score cards and the game play involves every form of deception to feed their desires and their frail egos.


The other extreme is just as bad too. I hate being around those that are always so eager to please and who can’t let go when the time comes. I always get a psycho Jeffrey Dommer sort of feeling from these people.


Seek out those that will:

1)      Never lie to you to “get it.” (NEVER hook up with someone you could never trust.)

2)      Play safe and always treats you with respect—especially when you’re all tied up and they’re standing over you with a whip and an evil grin.

3)      Relax and enjoy the experience. Sex is an “us” sorta thing and anyone that is overly controlling or overly afraid to try something new should be avoided. (Besides, if you don’t you’ll be bored to tears in a few weeks anyway.)

4)      Have a healthy view of sex. No it’s not time to explore why you’re mother didn’t love you, or to pay back the “b*tch” who broke your heart. Especially avoid those that will believe they are going to hell because of what they did with you. (I hate those, because I swear, last night there were only two of us there…but this morning it’s suddenly a threesome.)

5)      Have fun. American’s are notorious for their sexual hang ups and how they treat sex like it’s a job. Don’t be mechanical, stuck on hyper-speed or perform you duties like it’s a chore.


Maybe sometimes sex shouldn’t be about how fast we can do it, but how slow.

Posted: Tuesday, March 31, 2009 6:42 PM

Hey you   !! yah you ....the........ " My rule-of-thumb has always been " ...... goof ball. 

    Do you honestly think anybody gives a hoot about the mush you spew...... Are you presently undergoing psychological counseling ?  Are you twelve years old ?  Dont tell me....Your  watching porno movies on your mobile phone ?      If so,  my apologies and best of luck with the  therapy.

Posted: Tuesday, March 31, 2009 8:26 PM

I can see why you would say I am 12, addicted to porn and in counseling.

After all, I just told everyone to avoid someone just like YOU!

Posted: Tuesday, March 31, 2009 8:47 PM
I thought it was great advice, thanks "rule-of-thumb" person.
Posted: Wednesday, April 1, 2009 12:02 AM
There are, um, certain devices that can substitute for the real thing and give some, ah, relief. Some so silent that even your cabin mate won't be able to hear it, or do what I do and use it when they go in the shower...
Crew Confessor
Posted: Wednesday, April 1, 2009 5:56 PM
Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 94

Dear Sex Starved, I'm sure there have been lots of giggles and snickering over your post, but a healthy sex life is part of a well rounded lifestyle for most people, especially young and healthy ones. Foregoing a sexual relationship for a lengthy period of time as part of a job commitment is not often considered when applying for a position on a yacht, and it is certainly not listed in the job description or a topic discussed during interviews. It should be.

It's an issue that most in the industry come to understand as they log their time on boats, but on most yachts with traditional programs there is some time off, and opportunities for sexual relationships present themselves on a regular basis. A yacht on a circumnavigation will l likely be spending large amounts of time in remote areas with little interaction with other yachts and limited opportunities to "make friends" ashore. It's also likely that there will be long periods of time with the owners aboard, even possibly living full time on the yacht. There is a very good reason for the the proliferation of brothels in sea ports, after many months at sea obtaining sexual release was often a priority for sailors of old, and though many things have changed over the years, biology hasn't altered much.

There was a very good reason most of the rest of the crew were couples, and you discovered this the hard way. It's easy to get caught up in the dream of cruising around the world, many of us entered the business because we wanted to travel and see the world. Reality bites and the hard work combined with the loneliness you experienced is a perfect example of the "gilded cage syndrome."

It's hard to tell someone in advance what it can be like, and harder still to think that the hard work and lack of an intimate relationship can be more important than fulfilling a dream that many of us have had all of our lives. It really isn't for everyone and unfortunately, sometimes the only way to find this out is the hard way.

If anyone out there also has a goal of obtaining a job on a yacht that is cruising in remote areas for extended periods of time, think long and hard about whether you are really cut out for it. Captains too should address this issue during the interview process, it can save the owners a lot of money and disruption if you are forced to replace crew when you're out in the middle of the Pacific. Owners who are planning a long term expedition style voyage should consider hiring as many couples as they can, and to discuss this issue with their captain in the planning stages.

In the meantime, I must say that the other night while walking the docks of a well known marina I noticed a strange proliferation of red lights glowing from portholes in the forward portions of yachts. They seemed to be everywhere!

Your Crew Confessor
Posted: Wednesday, April 1, 2009 8:17 PM
When I read some of the posts, I am floored at the lack of compassion for your fellow man/woman. The only thing lonelier than no physical contact is contact when you are desperate, drunk, vulnerable and you hook up with some of these hound dogs. Get a toy, a good library of bodice rippers, put a smile on your face, find joy in everything you do and joy will find you!
Posted: Wednesday, April 1, 2009 10:04 PM
I really think the key phrase in your post is 'I didnt think'. You joined a boat on a rtw passage with other couples. So your options were : 1, Another crewmember already in a relationship with a workmate? Brilliant! 2, A short term fling ashore 3 , non human intervention, hopefully the engineer has enough batteries. You need to realise the 'right job' may not be any job you are offered, even in hard times.
Posted: Wednesday, April 1, 2009 10:17 PM
I am in the industry at a high level and have the same needs as any other warm blooded crew member. However, Yachts, (for crew at least) are places of work and this is what you are there for. Relationships onboard are generally not a good idea and tend to cause a lot of problems not only between the couple concerned, but also with other crew members. I know this is going to draw me some flack, but you should not be on a yacht (as a crew member) to have a good time. It can be a very lonely existence, especially at the top. These are the sacrifices that we make. Yachting is a tough job and as the years go on you will learn that it can be a very tough life all round. We often have to make huge sacrifices which greatly effect our personal lives in pursuit of our careers. Hate to state the obvious pun, but "If you can't stand the heat, leave the kitchen, or galley in this case). Sorry to be so blunt but this is the reality.
Posted: Wednesday, April 1, 2009 10:34 PM
Joined: 11/01/2009
Posts: 22

One reason I stay away from couples on the boat is that they throw off the crew team dynamic. Its always best that every crew on the boat is the same and we all suffer the same trials and tribulations as a team.
    Oh and if any of you captains are planning a long, owner, guest onboard trip..say more than 300 days on the road,  it is a very good idea to notify the owner beforehand that crew will be rotated on a 2 or three month on,  two or three month off, flexible schedule.  Then simply plan your trip. You will be able to keep the very best crew attitude at all times. Owners may only do one long circumnavigation in their lifetime.  Might as well go first class.
  Life ain't that bad. yachties that have figured it out, have the best lifestyle ever invented.  I wouldn't trade one minute of my past career for anything. If this life is not for you, don't do it.
Posted: Wednesday, April 1, 2009 10:36 PM
re the crew confessors post saying that this issue should be discussed at interview, If an Owner, or Captain was to discus or question a potential crew members sex life, lack of, or how to get some.............. in an interview scenario, there would be posts here saying how inappropriate, sexually harassing, etc etc that behavior was.
Posted: Wednesday, April 1, 2009 10:39 PM
Joined: 25/07/2008
Posts: 31

This Anchient Pelican says, they come to crew, not to screw. Remember, the first time you bone your crew, you can never tell them what to do.
Posted: Wednesday, April 1, 2009 11:05 PM
Joined: 11/01/2009
Posts: 22

The obvious fact is that doing a long trip is a senior position.  I would never even think of taking on a crew who is so inexperienced that I had to ask personal questions. Normally you show a crew the proposed cruise and ask if they can do it.  Crew normally ask me questions about free time or shore leave.

Posted: Thursday, April 2, 2009 12:47 AM
Hello sex starved chef , as i was reading all these posts it got me thinking , 1 you didn't do your home work before you made the conscions desision to be a yachtie , 2 when you did make that conscion desision were you conscions or maybe drunk and lonely and you didn't know what to do with your life ? 3 your in your prime sex age say 30 -40 , 4 a 30 /40 wanna be yachtie thinking it be like a movie sun sand sex and  drinks on islands and thinking what a life you have , 5 the yachting world is unusal and it's cirumstances are like no other, 6 get a hobbie - say photography always helps to past the time and maybe you can than send a picture in to dockwalk of the great place you are in AND how lucky you are, 7 if your shit at photography get a few really good books, they can be sexual if you so wish them to be, 8 you have a job when many others  DO NOT  , 9 stop bitching about not having sex , join the club and i am a single male but hey you don't hear me bitching about not getting sex having sex or any other kind of sex, 10 when was the last time you had sex ? 1 week  - 3 weeks - 6 weeks 2 months ? wait till you go 7 months with no sex babe and you get back to me and i will  tell you all about it in the BEDROOM , 11 get a life , 12 get a new job, 13 when you do get a new job make sure it's on land and move over for some other out of work yachtie, 14 you work only 14 hour days ? try more . 15 get a few good toys i'm sure it do wonders for you and you will have a smile on your face and maybe when you do have time off the boat you be out enjoying yourself and not behind a pc telling the world about your none sex life , 16 i'm the only single crew memeber on my boat and i don't have sex and there are many out there so join the club, 17 you must have some other kind of things going on in your life for you to turn around and be yachtie , most likey after seeing a TV show about how great it is , 18 i wish you all the very best of luck, 19 make more food for the crew us crew love it when the chef does the little things to make as all happy , remember a happy chef is a happy boat or happy boat is a happy chef  ,  20  I  have been doing this job for many years i have seen the very best and worse of it and iv seen a lot of the world i'v made a lot of money spent a lot of money but i would never change 1 day of it because doing this job has been the very best thing to ever happen and iv been around yachts all my life and i would never change it because i know what it is and how it works be thankful for what you have because there are many others out there who have nothing . Babe after all it's only sex it could be much worse , yes i miss it and think of it but once you go without for a while or a long while than it's ok you get use too it and its not so bad, solo sex can be better than really bad sex . All the best with the job but i think you need to change the way you think about this yachting thing it's not for everyone and maybe it's not for you .  
Posted: Thursday, April 2, 2009 2:39 AM
Hey, it happents to most yachties! most of us are single! you just got to chill out and enjoy where you are (how many people get to circumnavigate the globe?) and worrie about that later! im sure ull meet some hot guy when u least expect it! so chill out!
Posted: Thursday, April 2, 2009 5:53 PM
Good man well said you been in this for a while haven't ya . have fun ya only get one chance remember that! Yeah it can be tough but i think watching the couples thing is getting too you more than anything if it gets to much move on find something else now is the time!
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