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My Captain, My Valentine
Posted: Tuesday, February 10, 2009 9:23 PM

I've got a problem. I love my job. I love my boat. The owners are great. And I love my captain. Seriously...I love my captain. And I think the feelings are mutual. Without going into too much detail. I am worried that if I cross that line with the captain and it doesn't work out, then I'm out of a great job and with things the way they are right now, I definitely don't want to loose this job. But I am also not getting any younger and with the boat's busy schedule, it's not like I have much opportunity to meet other people. Not that I want to meet other people because I love my captain. What should I do??????

Posted: Tuesday, February 10, 2009 10:21 PM
I'd be real sure those feelings were mutual before you crossed any line. I once thought my captain liked me too, so one year, on New Year's Eve, at the stroke of midnight, I planted one on him. (As I recall there was tongue involved.) It was fun in the moment, but our relationship was never the same. It was just strange. I didn't lose my job over it, but the captain was always wierd around me. If I could go back in time and change what I did, I would. We still bump into each other from time to time, and he teases me about it. That was a while ago and I'm over it,  but at the time, it broke my heart.
Posted: Thursday, February 12, 2009 1:13 AM
Hmm, if he feels the same way, then no doubt he'll at some stage show or tell you right? I guess its one of those situations where you might just have to wait and see what happens. It is Valentines day coming... See if anything pops up... hold off on doing anything for him. Let him come to you That's what I'd do...
Posted: Thursday, February 12, 2009 11:57 AM
Hey...I dig the way you girls think.  !!!   Could be profitable.   Keep it up and maybe the captain can turn the tables and throw a sexual harassment suit your way.  Make a few bucks off you...I like it.  keep up the good work Bimbos.
Posted: Thursday, February 12, 2009 12:58 PM
If he is treating you in a professional manner, surely you can respond in kind, Isnt that you are being employed to be? The fact that he is not hitting on someone who even makes it public thats she's his at the crook of his little finger, should be respected. Maybe he has a private life (or wife) ashore. So many complain about who they have to work with, or for, just consider yourself lucky to work with someone you like so much, and on a yacht that you consider to be so good, and get a grip.
Posted: Thursday, February 12, 2009 7:49 PM
I wonder how long you have felt this way about your captain and how long you have sensed that the feelings were mutual? It's hard to give advice when you know so little. I agree with the person who said you should wait for him to make his feelings known to you first. If you wait a long time and nothing ever comes of it, then it probably wasn't meant to be. Once you have a relationship with the captain, people will always assume you are one of those girls who is trying to sleep her way to the top. Good luck.
Crew Confessor
Posted: Saturday, February 14, 2009 5:45 PM
Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 94

Dear Lonely Heart, (AND a Happy Valentine's Day to All Yacht Crew!),


“When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew.” William Shakespeare


I've used this quote because we can usually sense when the feeling is mutual. Acting upon those feelings is another issue entirely, and here I urge you to proceed with care. You began citing all the things you love, your job, your, boat, the owners... the captain was actually last on your list. This may have been unintentional, or not. I also sense a certain feeling of, "I'm not getting any younger." You "love" your captain but your message is composed of more details of your job than it is about the object of your affectation.

The Crew Confessor does not oppose onboard romance if it is conducted in a mature and responsible manner. Since you are a crew person and he is a captain you have the added risk of being out a job and lover if it doesn't work out. Proceed with caution dear girl. If you were to become a couple it's not all fair skies and following seas. In addition to all the usual relationship ups and downs your relationship will never be "equal" in all respects. He will always be the captain and your boss. Though you get along very well now, once you become a couple the dynamics change.

When a couple manages to have a successful romantic and working relationship on a yacht the rewards can be many, make no mistake this is a worthwhile goal. The closeness and intimacy of such a working team can be a beautiful thing. It can add stability to a yacht's program and help to maintain an overall atmosphere of well being on board. Successful couples will also tell you that much money can be saved. Not only do they have two salaries to bank and invest but they feel less need to be out on the prowl seeking the company of others. Long term goals can be set together and the opportunity to save significant amounts of money is unique. Lest anyone think the benefits are only on the side of the ladies here I ask you, are not the most successful long term, happy captains part of a couple? I rest my case.

I suspect that if you manage to secure a long term relationship with a crewmate then your longevity and earning power in the industry would likely be extended; you would have less pressure to move to land and search for a mate ashore. A good thing for you and a good thing for the industry which I feel loses way too many experienced female crew just as they have reached a position of authority and prime earning power.

As close as our quarters and our working relatinships are on yachts it can be a lonely lifestyle and, if you can manage to find that special someone and work together well that is a fine thing. You've told me so few details I cannot give you definitive advice about your situation. My hunch is to give this more time. Make yourself available, offer small kindnesses, remember things he likes and dislikes, don't go overboard though (sorry, no pun intended) If you can manage to, be on watch together... While it's true that men often need encouragement they still need to feel like it's their idea, even if it's not. Find ways to praise him, make him feel good, without being too obvious and gushing.

Give it lots of time if you really care for him, and since you love your job this shouldn't be hard. And if one day he introduces you to his girlfriend you will be sad and sorry but you'll still have a job and you'll get over it. Buy some serious chocolate, indulge yourself and then move on. If he does "make a move," do some serious kissing and talk about some of the issues here, and if this is all too much just rip off your clothes and offer yourself right up and come, ahem, what may!


Good Luck, Your Crew Confessor

Chef Peter
Posted: Sunday, February 15, 2009 3:57 AM
Joined: 05/05/2008
Posts: 21

I say GO FOR IT....!  You only live once! Grab all you can NOW!
Posted: Sunday, February 15, 2009 7:18 AM

Sounds like a modern idea... Grab all you can !!!!! 

   Im a career advisor, You should reposition on Wall Street !  another trillion is up for grabs,  thinks of all the yachts and McMansions you can buy !!!!!!!!!!!   HeeeeHawww

Crew Confessor
Posted: Sunday, February 15, 2009 7:28 AM
Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 94

The Crew Confessor apologizes for the difficulty in reading my responses here. For an unknown reason, though my guess is a low flying revolving satellite around area 57, I am unable to format my posts onto the board. I know it is hard to read and I am sorry. There is nothing I can do. On another note the Crew Confessor is very upset after realizing the wall street head hunter was not interested in promoting the Crew Confessor for a ten figure job on Wall Street, but was instead promoting Chef Peter! The hell I say!
Posted: Sunday, February 15, 2009 6:24 PM
Obviously I do not want to reveal too much about my situation. I would be gutted if my captain found out about my feelings for him by reading a post on Dockwalk. I have been working with my captain for several years. We have moved from boat to boat with short seasons apart between them. We have been on our current boat for a while. I'm pretty sure he enjoys spending time with me because if the whole crew goes out and I say I'm going back to the boat, he will head back too. If I am alone on watch, he will always come and sit with me in the wheelhouse for a few minutes (sometimes longer) during my watch. We crack each other up, we read the same books, we like the same sports and movies, we talk about important things. I have been in the industry for 10 years, and I have never enjoyed working with anyone as much as I enjoy working with him. I suppose I should just be grateful that things are the way they are.  I definitely AM grateful for that. But my twenties are now behind me...I am good at being crew, and I really enjoy my job, but I don't know if I love my job enough to just forget about having a life and a family of my own. It sure feels like he's the right one, but he's my captain, and for the time being, that's all I've got.
Posted: Sunday, February 15, 2009 10:23 PM
Joined: 01/05/2008
Posts: 41

Hi Crew Confessor,

Fixed that funky formatting for you. Keep up the sage advice.



Crew Confessor
Posted: Monday, February 16, 2009 1:49 AM
Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 94

Dear Lonely Heart, This has been going on, or rather not going on, for several years?!! Goodness. Truly I am of two minds about this. Presumably you would have known by now if he has a girlfriend or wife. There are some men who need that extra push, maybe some evening when he is feeling a little achy or tired you could "spontaneously" begin rubbing his shoulders and neck and see where that gets you. A good should massage is like a gateway drug. See where that gets you. If it leads to some passionate kissing, that sort of thing, have a little chat about your friendship and your feelings for him/each other. Tell him you have "feelings" for him and if he feels the same for you, take it to the next level, no rush though after all you guys have been together for years! Naturally there are always dangers when you put yourself out there like that but you are both close friends and I think it is safe to say that this is not an all or nothing proposition here. If he does not have those sorts of feelings for you, then you'll know and there is no reason that the two of you cannot continue on as you have done. You can move on and begin to seek out a fulfilling relationship with a man that will be able to give you what you need. Don't waste any more time. Before you know it you'll be over forty and your options will be more limited, particularly when it comes to having children. I've seen it happen over and over with women in the industry. So engineer to put your cards on the table and see if you can flush him out. And please, let me know what happens!
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