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Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 1011
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Anonymous wrote:It is a little disappointing that the woman in this situation is getting all the blame. If the male captain is showing favoritism towards his wife that is causing problems aboard, then shouldn't we be pointing the finger at him too?... To me, it all comes down to good management or bad management... and ultimately, the responsibility lies with the captain.
You are absolutely correct, problem is there are a lot of weak captains out there along with a bunch of p-ed off manipulative women.
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Joined: 19/02/2009
Posts: 11
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One negative experience is enough. For us it was captain/newbie organic bimbo stew girlfriend as the food budget went to support their organic lifestyle (for those of you who don't know organic meats veggies and other products are anywhere from 40 - 60- 100 percent more expensive). Owner finally canned their organic asses, the last straw being the 20$ a pound organic salmon they ate VS the 9 $ a lb Publix salmon they served the owner and his guest for lunch. I believe they currently reside in aisle 5 at the MB whole foods. (hey BB if you are reading this I guess the owner DID care what you were doing)
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Never ever ever work for a captain and wife team, especially on a smaller boat where there are less crew. The wife will inevitably be the chef and you as crew will be taking all your orders from the chef who is actually now your boss. You will also only be eating what the captain wants so if your captain is chinese youll only be eating chinese or if your captain is mexican youll only be eating mexican.
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oh yeah....been there done that!!! we were in the yard for 5 months.....the Captains wife/purser!!! came to the boat twice and stayed in the accomodation provided off the boat for about 2 weeks total. she spent the entire time at their house (about 2 hr drive away).....with a crew car!!! (and probably a crew food budget too)! (and gas allowance)!!!
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Joined: 28/02/2010
Posts: 14
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The Captain's wife doesn't even have to be a crew member to effect the rest of the crew. I was the mate/engineer on my last yacht. The Captain had a new wife ashore in a US state that was not near the yacht's home port. Once the Captain realised I was a hard-worker & he knew I could look after everything, he was gone the minute we tied the boat-up, every time. She was always calling him demanding that he come home for weeks at a time. I got screwed on time-off, became bitter, got run-down & overworked & he offered no support/resources for me to do my job. He would turn his phone off for days when he was away.
My current yacht has a similar problem, Captains wife is ashore, recently had a baby (I was very happy for them) but she's a total control-freak & is dictating where, what, how long etc when we get precious down-time. He is completely whipped by her & needs to face the fact that his life has changed & maybe a super busy yacht is no longer the best thing for them. (I have not worked as hard as I have, & spent what I have spent on courses & tickets to have the Captains wife meddling in the yachts affairs - would she do it if he worked in an office for the bank?)
I have other prior experience with Capt/wife teams & none of them were good - I blame the Captains more than the wives, they never stand-up to their wives.
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I'm a captains wife...... And I know that there are numerous horror stories out there with crazy controlling wives trying to run the boat. I'm a chef so it's a little different to begin with, since the position requires intense dedication, concentration, and there isn't a whole lot of time to be delving into other agendas. Stereotyping all Captains wives is offensive to me. I try my hardest to be a team player, to be as kind as I can. But you'll never please everyone. There are always people that pass through your life that you are not going to have perfect harmony with. And yes, that makes for being a scapegoat for their unhappiness at times. I have also worked with a lot of wonderful Chief Stewardess that I have made lifelong friends with.
Stress, long hours, confinement, all of this effect our moods, working relationships, etc. But at the end of the day it's all about having respect for one another and having the forgiveness to move on from tricky situations without holding onto anger. I have my goals that I'm working towards, and after 10 years in the industry, I want to move on before I turn into one of those old Cranky "Captains Wives" LOL! 
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Joined: 21/09/2010
Posts: 196
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Captain's wife/girlfriend situation on any vessel is rarely any good and commonly very unpopular with the crew. She always seems to profess a new found 'authority and command' over the deck and engine departments where she has no experience and absolutely no business interfering. Most are living in delusions of grandeur thinking they are really running the show. This is the direct result of a weak captain who allows this behaviour from his partner.
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I got done by a Captain's wife. I was F/O on 54M and and she used to be a deckhand on a 35M. She said something to me once that made me snap. Once I realized who i was talking to it was too late, DONE, Kaput. She didn't even work on board, just lived there.
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Joined: 21/09/2010
Posts: 196
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One particular captain I knew many years ago would take his girlfriend onboard for the longer voyages, but insisted she would not get any pay regardless if she worked or not. His point; if she is not paid, she has no say whatsoever in the operation of the vessel. It was a success.
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Captain and wife is bossI and bossII don't try to get between them, keep your communication very open towards them if the both give you orders.
That's all, I worked for several captain/chef or captain chief stew couple's.
Never had any of the horror story's as described above.
It's the one dilemma: couples or singles, getting laid at work is great, getting fired together is less cool. Which is inevitable for a hired couple from who one of them performs below expected standard.
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Joined: 15/10/2008
Posts: 3
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It just dosn't work.... I have worked for far too many captain- wife/commodore 'teams'. It just dosn't work.... especially on couples boats. Any other couples seem to work well.... just not capt/wifes.
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Joined: 03/12/2010
Posts: 1
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Try this one out. Engineer/Chief stew team. It was very apparent upon taking a relief captain job on a Private boat that I was not the one in charge. the chief stew had the ear of the owner and ran the crew of 10 into the ground. Trying to step in, mediate and run a proffesional crew was not happening. She ran off two of the crew claiming to the owner that they were drinking while working forcing immediate termination. These two young men were some of the nicest - go to church in port young men. The next thing I know the owner is ordering them off at the next port. Meanwhile the Engineer who was good at his job, was ousted by the crew and made for a very toxic environment. Morale of the story. Having one poisonous crew is bad, mixing in relationships only makes for a compounded problem for everyone aboard.
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Hey Katie
I am a captains wive !!! But only at home 
While sailing, we are both working, I am cook-A/B and as long as you can seperate it...
We worked on yachts, tugs( only male crew) and I am just one of the guys !!!!
I wouldn;t want it any other way !!!!
And yes, I am a woman!!! from head 'till toes both also just a girl who is doing her job.
Regards
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I just walked off a boat after a month of Captain and his Mrs. For the first time in my adult life I have witnessed what I can only imagine as being the exact mentality of Nazis and their concentration camps. My God, never met any human beings like them before in my life. Totally f***** in the head, cruel, boring and dangerously arrogant. Brain mush.
I just hope they don't breed.
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i dont think they are bred, they are manufactured somewhere and then dispersed into the yachting world, i have encountered these misanthrope types before and run for it. As my old captain used to say,'they are all called lines except for 3; the man rope, the bell rope and the misanth rope'.
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Joined: 14/02/2011
Posts: 2
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Captain wife should stay home, and should be a law say no job for captain relative.I think the law could be a suggestio for cayman island rules....Owner of yacht wake up.....many crew loose job cause needs of relation ship,and captain dosent liked but he can keep the monster on board 24 7 ....Yacht industry need to change.....
Ps message for captain wife .... you got everything and more ...be quiet stay in your cabin take care about your man and that it....go home often and for long period . Ciao
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Joined: 14/11/2010
Posts: 2
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i worked on s/y drumbeg and the captains wife was the admiral!!! i was 5th mate in 6 months go figer!!
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Nepotism in its worst form...
get a job on your own merrits...
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Joined: 03/03/2011
Posts: 90
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What about if the captain has a husband ?
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Joined: 10/10/2011
Posts: 7
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This the worse case scenario sorry about the few good crew wife but the majority of the cases are bad i work in 4 boat under this conditions.
One was very pathetic the Captain from New Zeland the wife American he hire her as Chef without any professional qualification at all pay her standard high level salary and couldn't make even pizza a lot of problem after a while she became the boss and not even the Captain was saying no to her was very sad Ej Cap say "we are going to Cannes" wife say "no we better go to Nice" next we are in Nice, My wife was a Chief stew and after the first failure Charter and 50$ tip we saw the reality and after 2 months we left It got pretty bad Between them to the point than she make out a missing 12€ on a bill and for the Captain was the perfect excuse to yell at my wife and before I did something to regret we left.
The second was good Cheer Mark, Lorraine
the 3rd and 4rth sore of go together my wife work as a chief stew again on one boat and after some time the Captain got his long time partner on board as a stew and what a mess this lady won't stop complaining about it, she was lazy and not a hard worker and this was a very busy charter boat, about the same time the captain hire the first mate girlfriend a washout model than never work hard on her life so that is 2 stew out of 4, the work was pretty bad for my wife and the other stew, she make her case and end it up out of work. because the Captain dint acepted as a performance issue but as personality issue, so the moral is nothing is going to change so you better get another job.
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Joined: 14/02/2013
Posts: 2
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been through capt/wife, capt/girlfriend, and mate/girlfriend. NEVER AGAIN. said that after 2nd team, did the 3rd (against my better judgement)
Capt/wife teams are great when running a crew of 2!
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