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Unfaithful on Land
Posted: Thursday, June 3, 2010 9:01 PM
Dear Crew Confessor, I have a weird question.........I've been married for 7 years now, have children and very much in love with my wife. My seagoing career does place extra strain on the marriage, especially for my kids because they don't understand why Daddy goes away. My wife deals with it all but has confessed she is occasionally aroused by woman and recently acted on her desire to experiment sexually with a female friend while I was away. Should I be worried????? I am feeling a of mixed emotions, everything from jealousy to extreme arousal and that prompts me to fanaticize about a FFM threesome. My wife is attractive and so is our female friend and now that all this has come out I view our mutual friend very differently and wonder if she knows my wife told me about the intimacy they share. Does this sort of thing work out well or does it become a complex emotional nightmare that kills a marriage. To make things more complicated this friend of ours is married, her husband works away and probably is unaware of what is going on in the bedroom while he is away. Has anyone else had to deal with a dilemma like this, some real advice would be appreciated.
Posted: Friday, June 4, 2010 8:32 PM

Will you be selling tickets or have a pay per service voyeur internet cam for viewing?

Posted: Friday, June 4, 2010 9:10 PM

Ignore that ridiculous post above! In my opinion, if your wife is playing these kinds of games, then she wants out. I understand that it is difficult and can be lonely when your significant other is away for work, but is it fair to you to come home to a wife you cannot trust just because she got a bit lonely? Regardless of whether she slept with a man or woman, cheating is cheating. If she is ready to go to bed with someone else without having the decency to end your relationship first, then perhaps you both should rethink your situation.

Posted: Sunday, June 6, 2010 1:50 AM
Joined: 18/03/2009
Posts: 10

That's the kind of stuff you get out of your system before you get married and have kids. This is the mother of your children? Your wife is cheating on you. Snap out of it! Today it's a woman, tomorrow it might be another man. Not good, bro. Not good.
Posted: Sunday, June 6, 2010 4:55 AM
Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 1064

The maritime business is a tough career on relationships. It's up to you and she to define the terms of the relationship, not some web board. What are you willing to accept? What is she willing to accept? Is this a "special relationship" with the other gal, or a"camel's nose under the tent" situation? It's all very difficult, the business cost me a marriage as well, just wasn't home enough, that was the major reason for switching from commercial back to yachts, at least on yachts the possibility to work & live with you partner exists (not that that doesn't open an entirely different box of problems). You have the added complication of having children. You say you love your wife, so you don't really want to walk away from the relationship. Either you have to be willing to accept an "open relationship" or find a local job so you can be home. Now mind you, this is what you can do on your part, it does nothing to guarantee the outcome because the Pandora's Box of infidelity has already been opened, so there always is the issue of what she wants as well. Will she be satisfied with "just you" anymore if that's what you determine you can accept? On the rare occasion a "love triangle" works out, except this is actually a rectangle since she is married as well (or is it actually a triangle without your involvement?). Unless you are open to the full on "Swinger" lifestyle (I know people who live that life quite happily...), this particular scenario doesn't look like it holds many chances for a happy ending for you. Again the question remains, "will she walk away from it?"

I feel for you bro, good luck with it all.

Posted: Sunday, June 6, 2010 12:33 PM
In reality I've been working around this and other issues, for as long as we have been married. It all started when I went back to sea after our first child. My wife (much younger than I, foolish me!!!) went through my savings, credit cards and salary faster than I could catch onto the problem, she then got around town a bit too much and started dropping our son off at the grandparents while she partied. Eventually I got a shore based job and things smoothed out, all was forgiven (foolish me once more) and we had our second child. Work ashore dried up and within weeks of me being at sea it started again, with the I introduction of this woman to our bedroom, while I am away. When I turn off the money tap, trouble begins, she has forged her grandmothers checks and racked up hefty credit debt, which I paid off more than once, (yes foolish me). I've see lawyers, had marriage guidance the whole nine yards. At the end of the day I will not tolerate being divorced and shall continue to deal with the negative issues. If it was not for the kids I'd be gone, therefore I have a life that is unforgiving and my only solace is my children, my career and hope for change that does not ruin my children. As a final ditch effort I asked my wife if she would tell our kids about her special friend. She said no and I guess that tells me she knows it's wrong on some leval but she does it anyhow.
Posted: Sunday, June 6, 2010 3:33 PM
Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 1064

So it's safe to assume that you now have multiple accounts, one for her to run the household with a set budget, and one she can't touch right? I learned that one the hard way as well.

Posted: Monday, June 7, 2010 12:37 AM
Dude!!! You one lucky devil, what a way to spice up your life,My wife loves chicks, so do I, we have tones of fun, be happy. mix it up a little.
Posted: Wednesday, June 9, 2010 12:10 AM
Not an easy situation, obviously...but nevertheless full of potential to either add some spice to your bedroom or hurt you in the end...and maybe both.  Sure thing, only you know what's the deal between you and your wife...but opinions are like a****les and anybody got one so since you asked let me tell you that from what i read and the way i see it there are quite a few alarm bells ringing.  Frankly, it doesn't sound like she is one person you can rely on....if she was, she wouldn't have done those money tricks nor drop the kids at the grandma's to go party...there are a lot of details here that could make the difference but only you know...if she introduced the subject to you before acting on it or did she serve you the fact when already done...IMO, for a relationship to really work it has to be built on friendship, you and your partner have to be each other's best friends, if she fancied a woman, she could have been talking to you and the both of you could have been going into and trough this thing together i guess.  Talkin' 'bout complicity, you know?  The add of chicks in your bedroom isn't bad if in the right context, all the contrary....but having a trickster wife is going to hurt you somewhere down the line.  It's a sad day when you don't know what your loved one is up to, especially when she has such a tendency to do tricks.  I surely wish you all the best, hopefully you know where you really stand in this game.



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