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Should we go public?
Posted: Thursday, February 25, 2010 8:05 PM
Dear Crew Confessor,

I am a chief stewardess on a large yacht with a very big problem.  Without any planning at all I have found myself in a mad love affair with the son of the owner of the yacht I work on.  Before you jump to conclusions let me clear up a few things, I have worked on the yacht for two years and before I signed on I had completed my law degree.  On board I worked my way up from toilets and laundry to cocktails and dinner service.  All well and good.

The "son" is a man my own age, well educated but has that entitlement attitude so distasteful, at least that is what I thought when we first met.  As it turns out he's a pretty great person with an advanced degree that a family name can't buy.  I like him... okay I am head over heels for him.

Now the owner's son (my secret bf) is pressuring me to make our relationship public.  I know that I will almost certainly lose my job, and quite frankly, I need to work.  I have student loans to pay!  I don't like sneaking around and eventually we'll have to go public, but maybe by then the economy will be better and I'll be able to get a job in my field.

He keeps hinting about rings!  What do I do?
Posted: Thursday, February 25, 2010 8:09 PM

If you are head over heels and he keeps bringing up rings what is stopping you?

Posted: Saturday, February 27, 2010 3:57 AM
Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 1064

Life is about love, not jobs. There are always jobs to be found if things don't work out. If you're nervous, ask to have a "surprise engagement party" where it all becomes public to everyone at once. You'll end up sleeping in the bed you used to make. Either way, follow your heart....

Posted: Saturday, February 27, 2010 5:51 AM
She already knows what her heart says or she wouldn't be trying to veto it by asking advice as to what her pocket book wants. you will be fired, he will leave you and you will be ??????let us know.
Posted: Saturday, February 27, 2010 12:12 PM
Better have loved and lost than never loved at all. A guy I used to work with at Oceanfast married the owners daughter. He was a humble deckie and now he lives in New Jersey and from what I hear they are still married some 20 years later. Being accepted by your partners family is never easy. Whether it's yacht owners or normal run of the mill type people, joining your life with another and their family circle is trciky. I'd go with it, but caution you on the emotional challanges and pressure his family will place on the relationship.
Posted: Saturday, February 27, 2010 4:44 PM
Joined: 11/04/2009
Posts: 13

Hope you and your future "mother in law" get on !!!

Posted: Sunday, February 28, 2010 3:15 AM
I don't know why you are asking us. You should be smart enough to figure this one out since you have a J.D. Though here is a bit of advice, before you guys go public make sure you get pregnant. That way if he turns out to be a jerk and dumps you in due course in addition to you losing your job, at least you will be set. And if he doesnt dump you and you both live happily ever after well then there is no issue with you getting pregnant after all.
Posted: Sunday, February 28, 2010 3:39 AM
Joined: 08/08/2009
Posts: 3

Not too sure why you worry about getting fired, the way I figure, if dad has a big boat like that, you guys get together, you will never have to work again!!! Still worried about getting fired? If it doesn't work out, you take half and get your own boat (maybe slightly smaller) Go for it girl, there are always other jobs out there, but if you thing he is THE ONE, don't hold back you might never find another... Better yet, if you get fired, 2 weeks later you come onboard for the honeymoon, you get to tell the guy that fired you where you want to be for dinner, could be fun don't you think?
Posted: Sunday, February 28, 2010 1:30 PM
a completed law degree ....and worked your way up from cleaning toilets to serving drinks, wow, that is a steep and impressive career, girl. What do you actually want to say with this statement.. that you're a smart person? Obviously you're NOT, cause you get involved with the owners son!!! Don't you have any professional ethics?!
Posted: Sunday, February 28, 2010 3:55 PM
Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 6

If this douche of a guy is talking marriage , go for it!   You will not get fired because you will quit first.   Stay with the guy for about 2 years and be a good wife .   Leave him in 2012 then take him for half of his net worth, buy a yacht, then hire some of us to come work for you .
Posted: Sunday, February 28, 2010 9:42 PM
Professional ethics? Are you an idiot? It's just a job on a boat, you can't help who you fall in love with. Go for it, but quit first and tell the Captain why. If he's not a complete and utter loser he'll understand. Hell, I'd be happy for you.
Posted: Tuesday, March 2, 2010 10:30 PM
Wake up, Cinderella, are you lacking attention. The owners son...what are you thinking....that he's really into you, a crew member on his daddy's yacht??? What if he's only using you, as a quick fix to satisfy his momentary needs and you are falling for his scheme? Good luck, I hope you proof me wrong, for your sake.
Posted: Thursday, March 4, 2010 1:04 AM
He knows where to buy a ring. Tell him that in the meantime, you need to work.  That he should put his money where his mouth is if he wants to take it further. Obviously you don't have to be that crass, but really. Use your head and protect yourself. He will respect you for it. They like the chase anyway. Give him an opportunity to chase you a little. Sounds like he needs it. If it's real, it will last.

Posted: Thursday, March 4, 2010 10:05 PM
Joined: 31/05/2009
Posts: 14

Hear hear What Dave Henning said. Dont listen to the jealous retards. Listen to your own intuition most importantly. Dont be scared. Lifes too short. Who cares about a stupid job. some things are more important.
Posted: Monday, March 8, 2010 1:06 PM
Joined: 05/10/2009
Posts: 4

Henning always has good advice... absolutely follow your heart.
Crew Confessor
Posted: Friday, March 12, 2010 5:18 PM
Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 94

Dear Go Public or Not?

The Crew Confessor commends you for your discretion and restraint!  It is not easy to think with one's head when love invades are thought processes.  I applaud also that you have your JD, but I don't doubt that you have a big fat chunk of student loans demanding to be paid off.  As you undoubtedly are aware student loans never go away.  Bankruptcy will not discharge them, nothing wipes them off your record.  

As wonderful as your educational achievements are in this economy there are no guarantees.  There are MBAs operating ski lifts in Colorado this winter and they don't know what they'll do when the ski season is over.  What I'm trying to say is, you are very wise to keep things quiet as long as possible, because as you and surely most readers know, when the beans are spilled after the congratulations are offered you will most likely be relieved of your onboard duties (99% sure, remember, no guarantees).  

On the other hand you must be careful that you and your beloved do not appear overly sneaky or deceptive to your future in-laws.  It's a fine line between discretion and deception.  If he's really talking about rings and this is what you want I'd say it's time.  Only you can how and when it is time for the big reveal, but tell your future in-laws first!  The last thing you want is for the Captain to "warn" the owner that you two are getting "close."  

As for those who are chiding you for "crossing the line" or being "unprofessional" they are entitled to their opinions of course, but I say pshaw.  Reeks of classism, the old "know your place" and "don't rise above your station in life" sort of Edwardian thinking.  And just because your man has a family with deep pockets doesn't mean he isn't a good person.  There is reverse snobbism too.

The heart wants what the heart wants.  In the end good or bad economy, job or no job, real love with a future does not come along very often.

True love with a person you respect, are passionate about,  and want to spend your life with is rare.  When we are young we expect that choices in love and life will continue before us indefinitely, but this is not true.  The choices will slow down.

Here's hoping that it all works out and you find yourself in the guest quarters on that yacht with a big fat ring on your finger.  But please, if you are so fortunate, don't turn into guestzilla and start leaving wet towels on the floor!

Your Crew Confessor
Posted: Friday, March 12, 2010 11:25 PM
You silly fool. He'll break up with you, you'll be out of a job and no other yacht will hire you because everyone will know (or think they know) that you're a gold digger.
Posted: Saturday, March 13, 2010 5:21 AM
Be aware that your beloved " Son of Man" may simply be using you as a smokescreen, alibi to develop social cover for when he visits the yacht to diddle the deckhand. If your convinced that love rules , before going any further, contact your attorneys and devise strategies for locking in hard won financial gains.
 Average 5 out of 5