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It's a Small World After All...
Posted: Thursday, August 6, 2009 2:23 PM

Dear Crew Confessor, I've always been told that "it's a small world" but I never thought it would be so literally true. About half a dozen years ago I was engaged to a man from a prominent and wealthy family. For reasons I'd rather not go into, I broke the engagement. Now, here I am, making a living cleaning the toilets and making the beds of wealthy people, and feeding them quite well too. It is good honest work and I've enjoyed it, until now. I've just learned that in a few weeks our charter client will be my ex. and his wife along with a kid or two. I am certain he knows I am working on this boat because of our web site and crew profiles. I suspect as well that he has not mentioned to his wife that he "knows" the crew, and to be blunt, the whole thing makes me ill in the stomach. This is not about regretting that I didn't marry him, trust me, I am so glad I am not married to him. I am certain that he is going to make my life miserable while he is on board. What should I do? Get sick that week and let the rest of my crew down?

Posted: Thursday, August 6, 2009 2:44 PM
Don't do it! Get a replacement for the week. It's not worth it and there are tons of great crew needing work now. It shouldn't be hard to find a very qualified freelancer to fill in.
El Velcro
Posted: Saturday, August 8, 2009 8:58 PM
Joined: 19/03/2009
Posts: 17

[removed by moderator]. As far as your question goes my dear, stay where you are and face up to him, if you can. If he starts giving you cr*p, talk to his wifey (or at least threaten to) The choice is yours and always has been my dear, don't listen to half a**ed heroes, play it the way YOU would like it to see it and do what YOU want to do. No-one else in this world matters [removed by moderator]
Posted: Monday, August 10, 2009 1:50 PM
Joined: 31/05/2009
Posts: 14

In a way if you bail you are letting this man run your life . Stick to it and give yourself positive thoughts and affirmations all the time. Believe in yourself and see how much stronger you will be after on many levels. Run from it and this situation will follow you again until you face it. Good luck!!!
Posted: Monday, August 10, 2009 3:17 PM
Joined: 18/11/2008
Posts: 66

My reply to other comments: why the hell put yourself through a week of misery?... (life is to short to feel sad and misrable for a week) I meant really what is the point in it? when you could find replacment crew and enjoy a week of sunning yourself drinking champange and go back to your boat feeling refreshed and ready to go rather than dwelling on such a horrible week and experience that you need not to put yourself through. xplain this to your crew they are human im sure they would understand this is a unusual request to ask but i would have no problem with it i think its fair and completley NOT nessasary to be onboard for that week. And what a prick (excuse my french) if he does know you work on that boat for booking it in the first place!!!! There are thousands of boats that could of been choosen besides yours. If not and he did not know and you decide to stay for the week he will be in for a big shock!

Koru International
Posted: Monday, August 10, 2009 6:09 PM
Joined: 07/10/2008
Posts: 10

The answer actually seems fairly obvious to me. Talk to your Capt. Be honest and frank about it. I suspect that she or he will ask you how you feel about it and if you think you can handle it in a mature and responsible way or if is too painful. If you feel you can't face it with the support of your Captain and crew, then the Capt has a decision to make- And that will be the Captains decision, possibly along with the charter broker. Good luck, and hold your head up.
Posted: Wednesday, August 12, 2009 3:19 PM
Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 1064

I vote for talking to the captain and getting the week off as well. If I was running the boat I'd do my best to get you off of there. It doesn't set up for a good situation. If it was me as well, I'd be very appreciative if you had your relief lined up as well. "Hey Capt, you know that charter in Sept? That's my ex and he's a real prick who wants to bust my balls. I'd really rather not deal with it. I've got (whomever) that's good and will cover the week for me. I'd really appreciate not being here for that trip." No need to put yourself in that position where you can't tell him to F- off. If your captain is a reasonable human being, he'll let you off, since it stands a chance of all coming down on his head anyway.
Crew Confessor
Posted: Monday, August 17, 2009 4:34 PM
Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 94

Dear "Feeling Crowded in a Small World", You have my sympathies! Your former fiancee strikes me as menacing, even stalker-like, and under no circumstances should you remain on the boat during this charter. I would not be surprised if he attempts to break the contract and cancel the charter when he finds out that you will not be there, an event that will neither endear you to the charter broker nor your owner, which is why this should not be revealed to him until he boards the vessel. He will not be able to show his great disappointment visibly in front of his wife and hopefully will proceed to have a grand week that will dissuade him from any further machinations. After all, there is nothing in the contract that guarantees that all crew listed in the published profile will be on board, as we all know crew changes can happen at any time.

Because of the intimate nature of living and working on a yach,t there is little recourse if you are faced with a recalcitrant former lover. It's not like waiting tables in a restaurant, you'll have to face him and his family 24/7. I also detected a disturbing element of fear in your email, and well, a yacht at anchor is surrounded by water and.... the Crew Confessor would not like to hear of any chefs found floating the wrong side up!

As Captain Henning suggested, doing the legwork and lining up your "stand in" and doing everything possible to make his or her job on board as seamless as possible is vital. In these economic times there are many chefs out there, eager to pick up a freelance charter so hopefully they will not charge the world for their daily rate, and will cook their hearts out for the tip. And if the captain is challenged regarding your whereabouts, "family matters to attend to" sounds just fine to me.

Have a nice week off!

Your Crew Confessor
Posted: Wednesday, August 19, 2009 4:44 AM
Does that mean that the chef pays the freelancer's daily rate? We all know that can get pretty high! What if the owner is afraid that the charter client will walk off the yacht when he discovers that the chef he thought would be on board has been replaced?
Posted: Wednesday, August 19, 2009 9:00 AM
Joined: 22/07/2009
Posts: 97

   Yep...  And it's constantly coming to my mind: Maybe the guy is having a not so good wedding, maybe the wife bosses him around like a litle puppy, maybe it's a lowsy wedding and, your presented with that sight!!! From outside!!

   This things come around. If he book it without knowing, and he's in a good faith, then you'll do your best job, as usual. Life is great. You have a great job.


 Best of luck



 Average 5 out of 5