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Mysterious Masseuse
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, May 8, 2009 2:45 PM
Dear Crew Confessor, We've just had a bloody balls to the walls season in the Caribbean. Not as many charters but the owner just filled in the time with his own people and we were just crazy busy. Not complaining at all, glad for it in fact. A few weeks ago after an especially grueling bollock busting day we were all gathered up on the bow, quietly sipping a stubbie under the stars when I felt these hands on my shoulders, and they were rather nice girlish sorts of hands giving me a massage and well, wasn't sure quite what to do. So I did nothing. I let my head hang forward and I enjoyed it! Next thing you know there was the sound of the captains voice and everyone scattered off like cockroaches when a light comes on. My problem is I don't know who it was that was giving me the massage and I want to find out, for obvious reasons, if only to return the favor! It's a largish boat as you've likely already guessed but I haven't the first clue how to narrow the field. There are three stewardesses, a purser, a chef and a crew cook all female. HELP!!! And when or if I figure out who it was what do I do next???
Anonymous
Posted: Friday, May 8, 2009 3:34 PM
You have a purser  ?  Sounds like your a Motorboat type.  What makes you think the mysterious massage was  from a female ? 
   We all know that Stinkies are poof magnets.  If I were you Id  look twice before bending over to pick up a squeegee during the day , stop  wearing those silly sheepskin thongs while drinking stubbies and lock down at night. 
Debbie
Posted: Sunday, May 10, 2009 2:14 AM

Hm.

I'd say slap yourself and snap out of it. Try spending more time posting more reasonable, grown up posts. 

 

 That or online dating.


Anonymous
Posted: Monday, May 11, 2009 9:33 PM
haha debbie, always got somethin to say.

I'd just ask! but do it in a sort of joking fun way, dont obviously sit down with each stew and interview them as such, just laugh and be open about it, noone will think you're that weird, you're all friends right? and whoever did it might just tell u...she wont feel too weird about telling you if its that open.

Let us know how it goes!

Rod
Posted: Sunday, May 17, 2009 8:29 PM
Joined: 17/05/2009
Posts: 8


If you are a male: No harm in asking. Maybe just ask around and see if anyone saw anything. Maybe just be receptive to flirty behaviour. If it was meant in a more than friendly, "ah, mate, here let me rub the day off your shoulders" way, then she didn't just brush you off after the captain came. Perhaps she was being friendly and you have nothing to worry about. Worst case: She wants you, and you should never sh_t where you eat.

If you are female: Find the chick onboard with the mullet...


Crew Confessor
Posted: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 6:42 PM
Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 94


Dear Sore Shoulders,
What a delightful dilemma you are faced with. It appears that you have been the "victim" of a hit and run massage, and while you are obviously not suffering physically from the incident, your desire to identify the perpetrator are understandable.

Here are a few ideas to employ in your efforts to flush out the furtive fingered philistine.

Make careful observations of your suspects behavior amongst the rest of the crew. It is unlikely that your clandestine massage was the first one.

Watch the hands. Oftentimes a hit and run massagophile will have a lot of nervous energy that must be expressed via their hands. This nervous energy might become more kinetic when in the presence of many shoulders, like during a crew meal.

During crew meals begin discussions about the relative merits of massage therapy and chiropractic services. Observe the reactions of your suspects during this discussion. If one of them appears to be unnaturally attentive to this topic you might have fingered your perp.

Once again during a group situation with your suspects present complain loudly about your painful, aching back. If one of your suspects offers to give you some, ahem, relief you'll have likely identified little miss happy hands.

I caution you that should the nimble fingered perp be identified; be cautious with any future, ahem, back rubs. As many of us can attest there are many an intimate encounter that began with an "innocent" back rub but ended with other parts getting "rubbed."

And don't forget, give as you shall receive.

Your Crew Confessor


 
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